International Women's Day and a Letter to the Editor

In honour of International Women's Day and in the spirit of challenging attitudes, patterns and practices that sustain discrimination and violence again women, I composed the following Letter to the Editor of the Charlatan, Carleton University's Independent Weekly Newspaper.

Given that my initial reaction involved more profanities than I will admit to, I think the letter below articulates a reasoned and fair response to the article in question. I hope you enjoy my response and I wish all my sisters out there a Happy International Women's Day!

Men, get comfortable with “playing it safe rather than sorry when interacting with women."

Re: “Opinion: Feminism has put men on eggshells,” Mar. 6, 2013.

My first thought when I read the title of the opinion piece by Marc Yegani was “feminism has not put men on eggshells, men have put men on eggshells.” To be clear, when I say ‘men’ I do not mean all men, but in particular those men who find it burdensome to communicate with women in a way that respects their personhood and dignity. That respectful communication with women is perceived by some men as challenging or burdensome is one of the many indicators that we should all support feminism’s continued goals of confronting, dismantling, and eliminating patriarchy, sexism, and misogyny. It is these factors which make the scenarios described by Yegani challenging for both men and women. For example, I think that most women would appreciate being complimented on the quality of their work, not how they look, by their employers.

It is very disappointing to me that Yegani seems to be lamenting the situation of “men playing it safe rather than sorry when it comes to their interactions with women.” Not only is this ‘approach’ fortunate, because respect provides a solid foundation for meaningful relationships of all kinds, it is a necessary step toward eliminating discrimination and violence against women. That there are men out there who play it “safe rather than sorry” when interacting with women is a relief to me, all the more so when they actively integrate this ‘mindset’ and ‘approach’ into their lives. They are the men who I feel comfortable with, who make me feel appreciated and respected, and who don’t give me reasons to worry that I am at risk of being harassed, hurt and/or raped.

I am not suggesting that Yegani wants to sustain patterns and practices which oppress and harm women. He might view himself as one of those men who supports the “women’s movement … but from a distance.” I am also sympathetic to his point that some men find interacting with women to be an at times challenging, uncomfortable or confusing experience. I can honestly say that, as a woman, interacting with men has not always been a piece of cake. But I vocally challenge the idea that feminism is to blame for the discomfort that men might feel when interacting with women.

Addressing and confronting the factors that disadvantage, marginalize and oppress women in public and private life is a challenging process. It involves understanding that “playing it safe rather than sorry” is frequently a daily reality for women because we have legitimate reasons to fear that we could or will be victims of violence perpetrated by men. Ultimately, men who want to establish healthy and meaningful relationships with women will have to accept and get comfortable with “playing it safe rather than sorry.”